my life in itself

ok so heres an update considering i havent done one in a while
1. had a boyfriend
2. 6 days later i broke up with him
3. life is totally random.
4. life is totally a bitch and should not ever come to be.
5. i am in love with him (not my ex) only problem is... hes 19 and lives on the other side of the freaking country.
i think about him all the time.
this sucks so bad.
i havent had a good boyfriend so im saying ive been single for a YEAR now.
i want a boyfriend who can take care of me.
maybe im just meant to not be with anyone.
i know this sounds totally emo, but im just in that rut.
thinkin no one could ever love me, that rut.
everything i do comes back and bites me in the ass.
i just, cant live anymore.
i dont want to live anymore.
really i dont.
im just so unhappy nowadays.
i look happy but im not its an act and if you cant see that your blind.
im so sad now. always im always sad.
this isnt really helpin so i dont know why i keep writing.
i could seriously hurt myself right now.
im serious thats how hurt and scared and exhausted and sad i am.
this sucks.

ok so yeah ive decided i love my life as you can see lol
mhmmm i have the most wonderful BOYFRIEND i could ever ask for
yes kelly bailey has a boyfriend.
we hung out yesterday (1-14-06) at my house
and oh my gosh. it was amazing
i already love him so much
and weve only been goin out for a complete 2 days!
AHH!
he is the most wonderful boyfriend ever!
hes not the cutest thing but hes sooooooooo incredibly sweet its not even funny
so it makes up for it
and hes taller than me.
pretty much a uhm foot taller than me lol
what can i say? IM SHORT
hes 6.3 yeah i know hes tall for a 15 year old whos in the 9th grade lol
so yeah anyway i love life now!!!!!!!!!!!
:)

so i definitly and very happy and junk
ive found alot of new bands on myspace
but one of my favorites is The Scene Aesthetic
they pretty much rock
oh and i might have a boyfriend!
hes a freshman at NCC
his name is jimmy
omg hes sooooo adorable
he plays guitar and omg thats just hot in itself lol
hes cute
funny
adorable and plays guitar! everything ive always wanted!
and he likes me!
and hes not an ass hole
and hes friends with my friends boyfriend! i mean there like best friends!
so im excited!
and i hope he realizes that he has to play songs for me now lol
and everyone be happy for me cause i havent been like htis in a long time
so everyone be happy for me!

i hate my freakin vagina it freakin never wants to coperate with me! and what i want! arg... im just gonna say i was at my friend chads house for a while and we pretty much like eachother..... well.. i like him a lot ive liked him for 3 years so... but im not so totally sure bout him so... i dont know.. but ffjkka;skldjf;af;kdasf;kdsklsd i hate it! arg! well uh im not very interesting so thats all im gonna say

*sigh* so yeah today was alright..
until i checked my phone in 3rd period... so my friend turner is in
california today he left this mornin.. he lives in arizona lol..
but anyway i look at my phone in 3rd period
and he had called!
AND I MISSED IT!
i was soo incredibly upset lol
my whole day went down the tube from there lol...
and then he called again at like 8.30ish
when i was church in rehersal! but he called back
and we talked for like a half an hour...
but then his phone started to die
and him being the smart one that he is...
left his phone charger at home lol
and hes gonna be there til the 20th! so anyway..
my life like revolves around this kid now.. hes amazing...
just wow hes funny and smart and witty.. and UHH!
just a-freakin-mazing! he calls me kentucky alot..
and that makes me really happy for some reason lol..
like tonight he was all like BYE KENTUCKY! talk to you later!
and i was like OMG! BYE! lol but i didnt say omg
i just thought it! lol...hes soo amazing..
he says hes gonna come and visit me cause hes 18
and out of high school you know?
and not in college..
he says he will come and visit me soon....
but i hope he really does and isnt just all talk..
cause that would suck lol

so im pretty much freakin exahusted already.. from the show and all.. i cried tonight cause its freakin sad and stuff.... and yeah... and im just so tired. and what makes me a lot sadder is that turner.. hes leavin to go to california for 2 weeks.. until the 20th.. :'( i wont get to talk to him at all.... o well... i dont even know why i bother puttin stuff on here cause no one comments but whatever..

i think im in love... omg.. its amazing... his name is Snix.. really his name is Turner Witt but ppl call him Snix.. the bad thing though... is that he lives in Arizona and is 18 lol...but omg hes sooo sweet.. and yes we have talked on the phone so dont start bitchin at me about how i have to "be careful" i know the whole fuckin story... but omg hes so sweet. and hot. and amazing.. and everytime i talk to him i just get soo incredibly happy.. its just like.. just wow.. lol.. like omg hes just freakin M_AZING! he makes fun of me a lot though lol but i dont care cause i make fun of him to lol... the bad thing is though.. that on Wednsday (i think) hes goin to Cali. to visit his friend and go to 6 Flags like every day and hell be gone for like 2 weeks.. then he comes back for like A day and then goes to Nevada for a family reunion.... :'( hope he doesnt forget me.. i dont think he will.. but you never know.. he might even be coming to kentucky soon to see me! JUST TO SEE ME! isnt that cool? he said he would try really hard and i believe him... just wow.. he makes me soo happy.. hes like my ecstasy or something just wow... lol

goodness some people are gettin on my nerves! *cough trevor cough* so anyway yeah thats bout it... oh and halloween is this weekend.. there now THATS it

im so fuckin bored.... sally spent the night last night.. i didnt fall asleep at 10.30 like i did last time... so yeah.... im really bored and im listenin to jessica talk about jake again.. im glad to hear shes happy but talks about jake all the fuckin time! i love jake i really do but thats all she talks about!